Stupidly Funny

A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket. Read the rest of this entry »

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.” Read the rest of this entry »

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?”

“No.” Read the rest of this entry »

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club.

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A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. Read the rest of this entry »

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” Read the rest of this entry »

A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint of beer please.”

The barman looks at him and says “Sorry, I can’t serve you.” Read the rest of this entry »

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. Read the rest of this entry »

A regular at Bob’s Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. Read the rest of this entry »

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. Read the rest of this entry »